I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
