Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
