How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drake has all the answers
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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