life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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