He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
