i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My bed smells like the plague
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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