Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
