TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
