Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
