also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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