So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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