we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
