Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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