I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
