I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize