I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
