no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
