I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
