There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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