I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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