Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
