Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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