NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
