its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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