i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
