Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
