I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She needs sedatives and a leash
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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