he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
