I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
