3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
