i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
