I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
