come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
