Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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