Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
