Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
