I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
