I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pooping to opera.
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