Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
