areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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