What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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