I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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