But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
