That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
