i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
