I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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