I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
love makes seman taste better
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize