Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Green mimosas i think yes
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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