You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
