i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize