He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
