Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
