just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
