Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
