is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have fence marks all over my body
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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