You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
pray to the hookup gods
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
