this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
