He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
