There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
