Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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