Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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