Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize