His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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