You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
