opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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