happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
