3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
did i just pee glitter
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
